Written By: Christine Schwab
Traumatic events happen to children more than people realize, including shootings, violent fights, environmental disasters, and other frightening events that can often leave children confused, afraid, and overwhelmed. Some children may experience these events firsthand, but with growing media exposure and technological advances, children are also impacted by seeing these events online, in videos, or on television. Knowing how and when to discuss these difficult conversations with children is important, and it is crucial for clinicians and parents to be able to help if stress symptoms show up.
One first step is to think about developmental appropriateness and symptom presentation. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Center for Mental Health Services, children who are between 1 to 5 years old are more dependent on parents to assist with coping skills. Children may regress to a younger developmental stage after a traumatic event exhibiting sucking a thumb, being afraid of strangers, the dark, or monsters. It is also common for changes in eating or sleeping with increased sleep disruption or unexplained “tummy aches”. These young children may tell exaggerated stories of the event or repeatedly discuss it.
Children who are in the ages of 5 to 11 have some of the similarities in presentation with the 1 to 5 year old symptoms. These children may have more of a social impact on their relationships with peers, such as withdrawing from groups. These children may seem more desperate for attention from parents, have increased aggression, resist going to school due to fear, or struggle with attentiveness. Children in this age range who are impacted by traumatic events may regress to more childlike behaviors like asking to be fed or carried.
Adolescents in the ages of 12-14 are more commonly going to have vague physical symptom complaints under stress and may ignore homework or other responsibilities that were previously being completed. These children may withdraw in some settings, become disruptive, resist authority, and in some cases start experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Being aware of these signs and being up to date with current events is important to help support your child.
Some ways to engage with your child to help after these events can include providing your child opportunities to talk about what they are seeing in the news and not to be afraid to ask questions. Do not be afraid to admit you cannot answer all the questions. It can be helpful to monitor screen time usage with exposure to more media posts about traumatic events. Use this as an opportunity for your child to discuss any other fears they may have. Lastly, let them know this can be an ongoing conversation and if they ever have any questions, they can always ask.
When a parent can be aware of these signs and educated by current events, there can be more support available for the child. If you know students at school were impacted/talking about any traumatic event, it can be good to help let your child know you are aware and want to support them in any way you can. Having a counselor to support you and your child throughout the processing of traumatic events can be extremely beneficial. Even younger children who don’t use words as their preferred method of communication can engage in play therapy with a counselor to process these feelings. These conversations are difficult, and parents shouldn’t go through this alone! If you are unsure how to start or go about these conversations, ask your child’s counselor. They can provide you support and coaching for these conversations to give you confidence as a parent to guide your child through these difficult times.
Tips for talking to children and youth after traumatic events. SAMHSA. (2007). https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/tips-talking-to-children-after-traumatic-event.pdf
