By: Anna Tamburello, M.Ed., LCMHCA, MT-BC

Typically, when you ask a child how they are feeling, they may just tell you, “good” or “bad.” However, “good” and “bad” are not feeling words, and the better that a person can learn to identify the feelings they are experiencing, the quicker they may learn how to best cope with and express them!

Below are a few important things to understand about feelings when speaking about them with your child:

• No feeling is “wrong” or “bad: Feelings are simply pleasant or unpleasant. Instilling this idea in your child will allow them to feel safe expressing all feelings, and they will not feel like they are misbehaving by voicing their unpleasant emotion with you.
• We cannot control our feelings: No matter how hard we try, we are not going to experience pleasant emotions all of the time! Instead, we must learn to control how we cope with unpleasant emotions. Healthy coping skills may temporarily distract us so that we can reset and become less heightened, or they may allow us to express an unpleasant emotion in a healthy way.
• It is okay (healthy even!) to express an unpleasant emotion: We often naturally express pleasant emotions but have a more difficult time healthily expressing unpleasant feelings. Whether through telling a trusted adult, play, expressive arts, or movement, expression allows for a healthy release and processing of emotions.
• You can model healthy expression through the use of “I” statements. Children observe and imitate the behavior around them. Utilizing a statement such as “I feel excited that I get to spend time with you.” Or “I feel frustrated when I have to sit in traffic” are examples of ways this may be used in your day-to-day life.

Normalizing the expression of feelings can improve healthy communication and emotional regulation for your child and within your family!